It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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