why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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