the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Can vaginas get frostbite?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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