fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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