Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
