Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
