but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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