i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
