I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
