my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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