Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
