you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
