tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
