it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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