Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
