I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
why is half of my head shaved?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
