How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
