Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
