At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
