I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
