he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
