the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
