Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
