you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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