i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
