Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
