Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
