I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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