end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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