You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
