Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
