Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
