Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
