Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
