Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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