My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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