your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
