Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
