he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
