Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
