I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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