Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
