Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
