im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
