Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
