is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You made out with two different species that night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
