Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My feet surprised me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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