y did u give ur computer a hand job?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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