thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
