so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
