i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
