So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and she was petting her beer can
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
