I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
