I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
