Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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