happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
