I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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